


you would never say that I let you down

by manesalex



Series: Resentment [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Kyle Valenti is a Good Friend, M/M, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, mentions of canon Michael Guerin/Alex Manes/Maria Deluca, mentions of past Michael Guerin/Maria Deluca, references to sexual assault/dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23813293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manesalex/pseuds/manesalex
Summary: Michael goes to visit Alex and they talk about what happened, among other things.
Relationships: Michael Guerin & Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Resentment [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712398
Comments: 10
Kudos: 123





	you would never say that I let you down

**Author's Note:**

> This is for all of my fellow Alex fans and Malex shippers who are hurting right now. I hope this helps just a bit.

After about a month of Alex being gone, Kyle walks up to Michael at Sanders' and holds out a folded piece of paper. “He says he’s ready to see you.” He looks uncertain, disappointed. Michael has to tug the paper out of his hands.

“If you hurt him further…” Kyle starts. And Michael knows he’s not really going anywhere with that. Kyle is not going to hurt him. He’s realized that in the past month, that the Kyle he remembers from high school doesn’t exist anymore and this man has been there for Alex when none of them were. He’s surprised by how kind Kyle has been to him in all of this, but doesn’t doubt that’s Alex’s doing.

“I’ll do my best not to,” Michael replies quickly, glancing down at the address to find that Alex has been in Austin, Texas this entire time. “Thank you,” he glances up at Kyle.

“Don’t make me regret it,” is Kyle’s only response. And then Michael is surprising himself by giving Kyle a hug before turning around and running in Sanders’s direction.

Sanders is sitting in the shade, looking like he might be asleep, but he lifts his head when Michael approaches.

“Got a family emergency. Gonna be gone for a few days,” he says.

Sanders rolls his eye, but shrugs and waves him on, so Michael runs toward his Airstream, grabbing a change of clothes and a few necessities before running back out and toward his truck, locking the Airstream with his mind as he goes.

* * *

The drive is long and boring, but, eventually, he reaches Austin and goes in search of the address he’s been given. An apartment building. He finds the closest free parking spot and finds the right buzzer, no name, just a number.

“Hello?” Michael’s knees nearly buckle at that familiar voice, even with the static. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed that soothing tone.

“It’s me,” he replies. And then clarifies, “Michael. Guerin.”

“I know who you are,” he can hear Alex’s amusement. But then he’s being buzzed in and taking the stairs two at a time toward Alex’s apartment.

Alex is leaning in the doorway. And he looks _good_. Nervous, yes, biting his lip a bit, but also just plain _good_. Michael hadn’t realized how tired and sad he had been in Roswell. He realizes now that he had been too focused on himself to even _see_ Alex.

“Hey,” he says softly, reaching out for Alex, desperately wanting to hold him.

Alex flinches and Michael jumps backward, feeling like he’s been burned.

“I’m sorry,” Alex’s voice is so soft Michael can barely hear it.

“No, don’t be,” he responds instantly. He has never seen Alex like this and he just wants to wrap him up in a blanket and protect him from the world.

And then, in just a moment, it’s gone. He can see Alex’s soldier facade slide into place so effortlessly. He steps aside and lets Michael in.

The place is sparsely furnished, making Michael _hope_ he’s not making a home here. Not yet. “Kyle says you’ve been doing better since you’ve been here?” he asks. He wants to tell Alex that he misses him, but he doesn’t know if he should.

“I’ve been working,” Alex shrugs. “I needed some space, after-” he doesn’t finish, just looks down, shutting the door to the apartment and leading Michael toward the living room. “Can I get you something?”

Michael wants to ask for a beer, wants that comfort, that ease between them back. And a little bit of alcohol wouldn’t hurt. But, instead, “A water?”

Alex’s eyes widen and his eyebrows lift for a moment in surprise, but he disappears into the kitchen for a moment, returning with two glasses of water.

Michael sits down, sinking into the dark green couch, watching as Alex sits down in a chair, right leg out.

“How’ve you been?” Alex asks finally, looking uncomfortable. Michael wonders if maybe this was a mistake. He _needs_ to fix this thing between them, but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know if he’s broken it beyond repair.

“I’ve been good. Trying not to drink. Been going to meetings,” he admits softly. “And… Valenti set me up with a shrink.”

Alex gives him the ghost of a smile at that, “I’m glad. I’m proud of you.”

“You are?” he can’t help but ask with surprise.

“Yeah, of course,” Alex looks puzzled. “I don’t like seeing you hurting yourself. I’ve always wanted you to be happy and healthy.”

And, suddenly, he gets it. He remembers that day, more than a decade ago, curled up in his truck bed with Alex. Hearing Alex say that he wanted to be with him, but not if he was wasting his life. Just this little comment and he fully understands what Alex meant that day. “I really fucked things up, didn’t I?”

Alex’s eyes widen again, almost comically, and he shakes his head, “Guerin, you didn’t-”

“I did. I thought… I got a lot of things wrong.”

Alex shrugs and changes the subject, “I hear you’ve been hanging out with Kyle?”

“So you are keeping track of things,” Michael grins at him, letting the teasing tone come out. The thought of it is comforting to him. The hope that Alex still cares for him like that.

Alex blushes beautifully, looking down, “You’re still my family. I need to know if… You need me. If you’re okay.”

“What if I want you?” Michael asks, letting the teasing turn into familiar flirtation. If he’s honest with himself, he doesn’t think he’s capable of _not_ wanting Alex.

It’s the wrong thing to say and Michael sees that instantly in the way Alex stills completely, the way the color drains from his face. He had never thought he could hate himself more.

Michael instantly tries to rectify it, to address the subject they’ve been avoiding, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- I should have stopped it. I should’ve protected you.”

“I don’t need you to protect me, Guerin,” Alex sounds tired and sad.

“I know you don’t, Captain,” Michael says, using the title affectionately for the first time. “Doesn’t mean you- You weren’t okay and I’m sorry I-” He’s frustrated with his inability to find words for this. He can usually speak so easily about so many things, but not this. “I _want_ to protect you. I _want_ to keep you safe. And, instead, I-” he wants to hit the table with frustration, but he’s trying so hard to hold it in. To hold himself back. He can’t let his anger hurt Alex further. Instead, he takes a few deep breaths. “I’m sorry, Alex. I wish I had stopped it from happening. I get now that you didn’t want that. That it didn’t make you feel…”

Alex looks at his hands when he speaks rather than at Michael, “I felt used. I felt disgusted with myself. At myself. For wanting you so badly I-” he looks like he feels sick. “When you said we weren’t good for each other, I thought you meant that I wasn’t good enough for you. That I brought too much darkness with me, with my family, with the things I’ve done. But you were right. We aren’t good for each other. I don’t take care of myself like I need to when you’re involved. I can’t- Kyle said I need to establish boundaries. And I think he was right. We aren’t good for each other. Not if I let something like that happen because I-” he cuts himself off, goes silent.

“You know I didn’t want that either, right? I thought you did and she did and I… I’ll always want you, but not-” He takes a breath, “I’m not opposed to threesomes or anything. It’s not that. It’s- What you and I had was special to me.” He pauses for a moment, trying to figure out how to say what he’s going to say without hurting Alex further. “I think I needed you to feel… loved… in that moment to make it okay. So I wouldn’t lose what we had. So I wouldn’t have done _that_ to you. I didn’t want our last time to be _that_. I didn’t want our last time to do _this_ to you. I never want to do _this_ to you. I needed it to be loving. I needed not to have hurt you like that. But I did.” He has tears streaming down his face and he looks at Alex and sees he’s the same, crying silently.

Alex quickly moves to the couch, sitting beside him, angling toward him, reaching out and brushing his tears away with his thumbs, “So it won’t be. Our last time can be _our_ last time. That night with just you and me in the Airstream.”

“When you stayed?” Michael asks with a smile, already knowing the answer.

“When I stayed,” Alex confirms, with a nod and a gentle smile. “Not because I was tired, but because I didn’t want to go. I felt safe and loved. Like I was home. And I didn’t want to leave that.”

Michael smiles at that. They’re both silent for a long time before Michael finally asks, “How have you been? What have you been up to here?”

Alex smiles and ducks his head, “I’ve been working mostly. But also writing music. Seeing a therapist.” He pauses, like he’s steeling himself before adding, “And dating a bit.”

It stings a bit. It shouldn’t, Michael knows that. He was the one to move on first, even if that ended as soon as he found that Alex left and why he had gone. “You’re happy?” he asks for confirmation. In truth, that’s all that matters anymore.

“I’m working on it,” Alex says softly. “What about you?” he asks softly.

“Better now,” he admits softly. And it’s true. He’s so much better for being able to see Alex, to see that he’s doing okay. “Thank you,” he says, turning to Alex, turning his palms up on his lap, giving Alex an invitation he hopes he’ll take. “Thank you for letting me come and see you. I needed this.”

“I know,” Alex says softly, reaching out and placing his hands in Michael’s. His hands are still so surprisingly soft and Michael wants to lift them to his mouth, to press kisses against his knuckles. But he leaves their hands where they are.

“You know? Did Kyle tell you?”

Alex gives him a tiny smile before asking, “Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah,” he grins, meeting Alex’s gaze, delighting in the way he blushes and ducks his head again. “Though I wouldn’t mind if I could stay updated on how you’re doing too.”

Alex takes one of his hands away and Michael is about to be disappointed, until he realizes he’s holding it out, ‘Give me your phone.”

Michael slides his free hand into his pocket, pulling it out and handing it to Alex.

“We really need to get you something from this decade,” Alex teases, but he opens Michael’s flip phone and types on it for maybe a minute before handing it back. “Now you can call or text when you want.”

Michael takes it from him and sticks it in his pocket, “Thank you, Alex.” He pauses, takes a breath, “I should probably go, huh?”

“It’s late. And I know you’ve been driving all day,” Alex replies, standing up. “You can’t drive home right now. You’ll drive yourself off the road.”

“I can sleep in my truck,” Michael shrugs, moving to stand.

“You’re not sleeping in your truck, Michael. Not when I have a perfectly good couch,” Alex replies. “I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows, okay?” He pauses, pointing to a door to the left, “That’s the bathroom. Feel free to use anything you need, okay?”

And then he stands and walks away, leaving Michael alone in his living room, taking it all in. He smiles at the sight of the keyboard in the corner, near the window, the guitar propped up near it. The desk nearby with his laptop set up on it, the framed music posters. He’s glad Alex has made a home for himself here. Where he can be himself.

Alex is nearly silent when he returns, handing Michael a pillow and a blanket, “Anything else I can get for you?”

“Nah, I’ll be fine. Not gonna go right to sleep though.”

“Oh,” Alex replies, “Did you eat?”

When Michael shakes his head, Alex picks up his own phone, tapping on the screen for a minute or two, “Pizza should be here in a bit.”

It takes a while, but eventually Alex relaxes by his side, splitting the pizza with him as they watch old episodes of Schitt’s Creek.

Alex is beautiful like this, his face soft and open, a small smile on it, completely distracted by an episode Michael would bet he’s seen more than a few times. And, in that moment, he’s certain they’ll be okay. They may never be together again. They may never end up together. But he hasn’t lost Alex. Not for good. And that, more than anything, is what matters. He can handle watching Alex move on with someone else, move on to something less painful. And he can try to do the same. But he can’t handle the idea of losing this man from his life completely.

In the morning, Alex will make him breakfast, looking adorably rumpled with his sleep-mussed hair, his Air Force tee, and the pair of flannel pajama pants with the right leg tied up. Alex will send Michael on his way and he’ll drive home feeling lighter than he has in a while.

**Author's Note:**

> I am currently planning at least one more part of this series, so stay tuned! And thank you for reading!


End file.
